Some weeks ago someone asked me via one of those anonymous ask inboxes how it fits together to be pansexual and lesbian at the same time and if those two terms aren’t exclusionary to the other. I feel that this assumption is deeply linked to a few misconceptions a normative society makes about attraction.
- the misconception that romantic and sexual attraction don’t neccesarily have to overlap or be the same.
To start this blog post off, it might be a good idea to give the definitions of what being a lesbian and being pansexual means to me, since they may be defined slightly different by other folx, to avoid misunderstandings:
- Lesbian: people who feel a connection to womanhood who are attracted to other woman, so it’s all about wlw.
- Pansexuality: People who are attracted to people of any or regardless of gender.
On a sidenote: I do not like to link “hearts not parts” to pansexuality, furthermore I think that “hearts not parts” is widely used in a transantagonist way, because sexual and romantic identities shouldn’t be about reproductive organs at all, since those organs do not care about the gender or sexuality a person has. Being a Lesbian is as much about hearts not parts as being pansexual is.
romantic and sexual identities?
I have to add, that for me, it’s kind of difficult to distinguish between the different forms of attractions people tend to have, since there’s not only romantic and sexual attraction but:
- aesthetic attraction
- crushing a persons aesthetics
- sensual attraction
- wanna be close in a physical sense to someone
- emotional attraction
- wanna be close to someone in a emotional sense
- platonic attraction
- friend-crushing someone
- romantic attraction
- being romantically attracted to someone; people who do not feel this kind of attraction are probably aromantic
- sexual attraction
- being sexually attracted to someonel people who do not feel this kind of attraction are probably asexual
and possible some more types I may have forgotten to mention (if you notice that there’s a type of attraction missing, feel free to text me if you’ve got the spoons to do so, I appreciate it a lot!).
If I fall in love with people they’re either female or non-binary and most of them identify as lesbians theirselves, though it may happen that I crush non-binary folx who don’t identify as lesbian (since enbys can be lesbian, but only few of them are and most of them are not nor are they linked to womanhood in particular, but only, if they self-link themselves to it) as well. A thing which applies for all of my crushes is, that I can’t identify which forms of attraction is linked to them, leading to, that I love my friends and partners on pretty similiar but individual way, as in I do not distinguish between these groups of people, but that’s stuff or another blogpost probably.
To sum this up, when I crush people, it’s most of the time a “I do want to have this person in my life and want to share lovely things with them!” kind of a crush, and not really a romantic-per-default crush and those crushes are linked to woman and enbies only, and in other terms to people who’re somewhere on a feminine spectrum, however one defines this.
In terms of men I most of the time only have sexual or platonic interest in them as I am able to experience sexual or platonic interest in people regardless of gender. I most of the time am not sure if I experience sexual attraction at all (since I may be a bit on the demi-spectrum on this one), but I love to engage in sexual or kinky activities, it only does not feel like how most of my friends would describe such activities in terms of attraction.
So while being a lesbian is obviously a huge part of my romantic identity, pansexuality is what describes my sexual attraction the best!
Even parts of my gender identity are linked to the lesbian culture, being a femme trans woman, alongside of being non-binary, since binary definitions of gender always felt too narrowed for me to be accurate in describing my rather complex approach to gender identities.