A few month ago I wrote a piece on what it feels like being introvert and polyamorous. As of now I feel like I’ve missed a crucial point about this, I haven’t talked about back then, since it simply wasn’t that present in my life as it is now: Polyloneliness. Lately I started to have a lot of lonely weeks and started to somehow grasp why I don’t feel polysaturated anymore, because, I am in the lucky position of calling some of the most amazing human beings I have ever met my partners (<3). Since I am in a long-distance relationship with all of them, we will usually meet at events such as book fairs, prides or tech events.
Conventions & Convenient Conventions
I am always looking forward to that since it’s something I can fit into my monthly schedule easily and I am always super happy getting excited about attending cool things with people I care about. The last year was full of such events and I had quite a busy schedule throughout the year. This year I missed out one of the book fairs, I am unsure wether I want to attend the barcamps I have attended the last years, and the few events I already have attended where events where I mostly have spend time with myself (wether that was because I got sick at one of those or was the only one attending at the other).
Hands down, one of the reasons, I felt polysaturated last year, was that I haven’t had the amount of time for maintaining meaningful social relationships I would like to have had. I was caught in a really exhausting and unhealthy work situation, and it took some time to recover from that. Now, as I’ve learned to take care of myself in a better way, I started to realise that I really do feel lonely from time to times and that was something which left me worrying.
I realised that all of the people I am dating are people I go out with, as in going to events, movie theatres, protests and all of them are people I majorly see at such occasions. But I have more wants and needs in terms of intimacy than those rather extrovert things.
When I talk about intimacy, some of the most intimate moments my mind comes up with are situations, where I was sharing the same couch with someone doing different things, as in I was writing, the other person was coding things. I really love the feeling of coming home to people, of not having any other agenda for a night than just hanging around and appreciating that there’s another person here with me.
I have surrounded myself with people for all the loud and extrovert and exciting moments in my life, but am lacking of those, who are willing to share the quiet and introvert moments with me. To me, it’s one of the most private and vulnerable things ever letting people into my personal space, and sharing everyday things with them.
Cuddles & Coffee
Sharing cuddles and coffee without being in a room full of people is something, which I haven’t realised until some weeks ago, I really started missing. When I started to allow myself to take more breaks at events I was attending and to care more about my own social boundaries, I eventually stopped consenting to all the cuddles and bodily contact being offered to me which feels like the right thing to do.
But having the impressions of the last month in mind, I started to feel polylonely. That is, by getting to know my needs in a better way and by acknowledging that, while I am already surrounded by people I’d like to go out with, there is more space for a person I am able to share those precious rainy Wednesday afternoon boredomness with; and all those doing-each-a-one-person-activity-while-being-in-the-same-room kind of moments.